It’s not you, it’s me.
Dear WordPress,
I know these kinds of conversations are awkward so I’m going to make it quick.
I’ve outgrown you.
At first, you were exciting and fun. I couldn’t wait to see you when I got home and logged on. I would even steal a few minutes of my work day to check in with you. But now… well…
I kinda forget about you.
I’m sorry, I know it’s hard to hear. But I’ve moved on. You see, tumblr is just.. I don’t know… intriguing. And exciting. I have so many directions to take with tumblr and with you… I guess you could say we are going in different directions.
I hope we can make a clean break and be civil. I’ll see you around..
Love,
your ex-blogger.
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Introducing…. my new blog! Follow me there!!
What’s your story?
Life has been such a crazy whirlwind these last few months. A quick update:
I am working for a great church in Frisco called Providence. I have the privilege of teaching kids about Jesus. That is the simplified answer to what I do there. I also get to teach drama classes for preschoolers and elementary aged students part time. So I am literally driving all over the greater Dallas area. It keeps me busy but I can’t complain (though I still do sometimes). Life’s pretty great. Plus I have a cute boy around that is constantly reminding me of the love and mercy of our great God. Did I mention he’s really cute?
Recently I submitted my testimony for a young adult service at Watermark called The Porch. I’ve told different versions of my testimony probably over a hundred times but for some reason, now that it was printed..being passed out to hundreds of people..it felt weird. It was a release but a weird one. It was out in the world. And I couldn’t take it back even if I wanted. But I didn’t want to take it back. Why? Because it was how the Lord did a mighty work in my life. Why would I want to hide something so amazing?
Lately I’ve been hearing stories of grace, healing and restoration. It’s hard to argue with someone’s story. Mainly because you can’t – it’s their story. This is one that really stuck out to me, due to its authenticity and vulnerability. This is Sarah Markley and here is her story.
Long lost blogpost..
Is it sad that it has been so long that I couldn’t even remember what my blog looked like? Crazy.
This week has been exhausting, to say the least. Why? That is yet to be determined.. hopefully by a doctor. It’s worse than normal.. and if you’ve ever heard my stories of falling asleep in mid-conversation, etc, you’ll know this is pretty extreme. Hoping this is resolved quickly and pain-freely.
The Lord has been working on my heart in some interesting ways lately. Things, people, writings and events have overlapped to show me this one thing: The gift of grace is a powerful thing.
I feel that I have learned more about what grace is over these last few weeks. Some of it comes from interactions with people that live in the freedom we have in Christ. Some is through the writings of Luther, Calvin and seminary lectures I’ve been listening to. More importantly, most of it is through Scripture.
Ecclesiastes 7
6 Do not be overrighteous,
neither be overwise—
why destroy yourself?
17 Do not be overwicked,
and do not be a fool—
why die before your time?
18 It is good to grasp the one
and not let go of the other.
The man who fears God will avoid all extremes .
I struggle between divine intervention and human responsibility…being overly righteous and taking control, being overly wicked and not being diligent in what’s been given to me. But, after sermons, coffee dates, lectures, hard experience and Scripture like the one above, I have learned the answer is grace. I don’t think there could be a better answer than that.
2 Cor. 4
1Therefore, since through God’s mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. 2Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to every man’s conscience in the sight of God. 3And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing…
15All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.
16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
That passage in 2 Corinthians has been a go-to passage for me over the years and it was one that spoke into a very particular situation in my life.
For the first time in a while, the more I learn, the more free I feel. And that’s how it should be, right?
My apologies.
I heard a story recently about a group of Christians doing street evangelism under the guise of submitting a video for a contest. These people ambushed my dear friend and asked her if they could film her, asking a couple questions. She agreed, reluctantly, knowing there were ulterior motives. They asked her personal information questions, like her contact info. Then they began to ask her her beliefs in God and she became uncomfortable. As someone that is deeply in love with her Creator, I feel that I would’ve had a similar reaction given the circumstances. I know it’s easier sometimes to be comfortable than honest but still.. people deserve that much. So on behalf of some people that probably had good intentions, I am sorry. That isn’t the reaction that should arise out of talking about Jesus.
As much as I love to blog/read other blogs, I’m not very interesting. Or I just don’t have anything interesting to say. AND I realized reading over my uneventful blog that I haven’t done my 1001 in 101 things. Dang. Maybe my first item on the list will be to actually do this list. Then I’ll be an overachiever with one thing done, 100 to go. I promise next post will be more entertaining.
I will leave you with this image: me being so short that I can’t reach the top of the Jenga game. Enjoy [making fun of me].
Excitement after the Jenga tower did not, in fact, fall like everyone predicted. HOLLA.
Oh how things can change..
This is what I deserve for praying specifically for patience and endurance.
It has been the hilliest rollercoaster ever, to say the least. I applied to a mission trip to Spain.. only to get accepted..but instead I am going to India… which I’m totally down with… except a couple weeks later, I am informed that I’m not going to India, due to logistics… which I am not down with.. so now, 3 months later, I’m back at square one. Geez – story of my life.
Needless to say, I’m super bummed. I was looking forward to India. If you even remotely know me, you’ve heard me mention India once or 6 times in a conversation. Even the checkout lady at Walgreens knows. However, as everyone and their turtle has said, God has bigger and better plans in store. I know the people that are telling me this are being geniune but its kinda the canned answer for anything we complain about. Regardless, I am starting to see a glimpse of how God knows me better than I do and plus… He’s God. I will be making some decisions the next few weeks.. a few options include travel, some include support raising.. or both. And when I say making decisions, that means trying to figure out what God wants from me, and go with that. I hear that tends to work out better anyway.. Who knows? By this time next week, I’ll probably have some big announcement. Actually…. that’d be freakin rad and way convenient. Yeah.
Monologuers, missions and more!!
Listening to:
“Betrayal”&”Look For Me Baby” // Fiction Family
Reading:
Crazy Love // Francis Chan
I say this with caution : I love my life.
And with that statement comes another : I know it’ll change very soon and probably fairly drastically.
It’s a whole lot easier to think about missions or going somewhere new when you aren’t content in your current standings. But once you are settled and happy, life takes a turn and things change. God’s allowed to do that, I guess. So as a warning, if you are happy where you are, be prepared to be uprooted in some way. I like that He keeps us on our toes.
I was perfectly happy in Austin. But there were other plans for me that I obviously didn’t have for myself and now I am in Dallas. I have been stretched in great and painful ways but it always been for my good. That is exciting stuff. Even if I don’t like it or agree with it or cry about it, it is for my good. I have to remind myself of this truth- especially when times come and I may never see in this lifetime why something was for my good. Even more so when my friends become nosy and start monologuing about how much I suck.
Moving on.. the last few days have been action-packed and a bit exhausting. My boss allowed me to take off work to visit the missions conference at Dallas Theological Seminary but all the hip kids call it DTS. I went along with Marcus who is a real-deal seminarian at the aforementioned school. Chapel was sweet.. it made want to be a fake DTS student more often. One of the speakers was from Germany and gave some pretty interesting statistics on unreached people groups in Europe. I was surprised on the percentages he gave of evangelicals living all over the world. It placed some well needed burdens on my heart for the world as a whole. For such a serious topic, he was surprisingly delightful and dryly humorous.
The rest of the morning consisted of seminars and meeting with mission organizations..which was rad. The seminar I went to talked about what obstacles you face as a missionary which, let’s be honest, is a bit scary to hear all at once. I love hearing individuals with great wisdom talk about Jesus. I could sit in lectures all day. For real. Especially if they were about Jesus. Browsing through the missions booths, I felt like I was applying to college all over again. It was weird at first but I had some great talks with some recruiters. I actually got to talk to people face to face that I had emailed or called as a mission coach. That kind of stuff really makes me happy. Had some good, and not-so-good, interactions, met some great people and overall, I came away with… less clarity than I had before. Awesome. I still enjoyed all of it. One thing that stuck out to me during the seminar is how many missionaries come back from the field due to interpersonal conflict with their colleagues. I see how that could happen but it’s sad nonetheless.
Last night, we went from place to place and ended out night at a great chill bar to hang out. Little did we know that we would be conversing with women twice our age about everything from the fashion industry to beer that tastes “like dirt” to religious beliefs to the suffering of Job and his nosy friends. I came away encouraged, knowing that His timing is absolutely fantastic in everything.
To say the last week has been random can’t even begin to describe what I’ve experienced.
This was a long post.
Coming soon: Pine Cove Adventures part II!
101 in 1001.
Lately I have been awestruck and inspired. As an artist or photographer, this is a great place to be. But for a curious person, such as myself, this is still a great place to be.. but also a dangerous one. What do I mean? Well, I get myself into some interesting situations..
Therefore, I am creating a 101 in 1001 list. This list will also be on my blog and I intend on posting photos and entries about the ones I accomplish. I haven’t quite nailed it all down yet but I definitely know that a few are musts on this list:
- Experience a new culture – Contribute to the community using my gifts and talents – Donate excess possessions I have, including clothes – Take visually interesting poloroids – Wake up and spend time with God before work, every day for 2 weeks straight – Befriend someone new and outside of my normal social circles - Visit 3 new states – Submit a photograph/piece of artwork for a competition - Spend 24 hours alone with God – Read at least 5 novels off the Modern Library’s 100 Best Novels list – Seek out new bands I’ve never heard before – Host a themed dinner party – Run a 5K – See at least 2 Oscar-nominated movies each awards season - Take black and white portraits of my closest friends - Pray for people I’ve never met who live in countries I’ve never been to [at least, not yet] – Handwrite and mail a letter to a friend - Create something out of [practically] nothing – Dye my hair -
I think I’m on my way to creating a well-balanced list for the next few years. What would be on your list?
Dear Satan..
You suck. You know that?
You try to be sneaky in so many ways. So sneaky that some people don’t even believe in your existence. But I know better.
Just because you lost the War doesn’t mean you have to try to win small battles to make yourself feel worthy. You almost won a couple of those battles tonight but I say no. I also say, you suck [again]. I say, you are a coward. Just wanted to clear the air.
hugs and kisses,
and forever NOT yours,
Me.
Tonight I received a support letter from a friend going overseas for missions. I am so excited that God has placed my friend exactly where he needs to be and that means serving in a mission opportunity overseas… yea!! While it’s exciting and I fully intend on supporting him, these were not my initial thoughts. As I opened the letter, my heart started to beat faster and faster.
Before I continue, I’d like to mention the last week or two has been phenomenal. I have experienced true joy by walking in the light alongside friends in community. Things were just making sense and lining up..meeting new friends then realizing there is a bigger purpose to our meeting than just friendship… being given the awesome responsibility of pouring into the life of a 9 year old girl… finishing my stinkin’ long missions application…stuff like that- it’s been great. Which makes sense that something would try to come along and mess it up…
My eyes scanned over the words in the letter. Words that I have been quite familiar with over the last year and even more so in the last few months but today…today they made my hands shake.
Anxiety started flooding in, as if my heart was there with open arms [arteries?] saying, “Welcome back, stress! It’s been lonely here without you!” Questions began overlapping each other in my mind. “What if I can’t give enough to support my friend to make an impact?” “What if I can’t get other people to give?” “What if no one wants to support me going into missions?” “What if this trip really is 8 weeks? I can’t afford to not work for 6 weeks!” “Where is the coffee? I need some caffeine pronto.” “Where am I going to print the 17 page application? I don’t have a printer.” “When will I get the chance to go to the post office to send it off?” “What if I’m not even accepted for this opportunity? And after all that time spent on the application..” All legit questions, I think. But why the anxiety that comes with it?? I recognized the stress immediately so I somewhat diffused the situation before it escalated. It’s still on my mind a little bit. Even after hearing a sermon about relying on God to provide. If I am to go, then I will go. Even if that means allowing my paychecks to stretch further than normal.
But if having to aleviate this fleeting moment of anxiety, then my life is fantastic!
SIDE NOTE- I know you people read this. Yeah, all 3 of you. I have heard these words come out of your mouth, “Oh, I read on your blog that…”, and yet, no comments??? People, this is unacceptable. I have lost all desire to be witty because of the lack of comments. I know who you are, readers. I will call you out by name if I don’t start seeing some feedback action!
Another side note.. do you have any garage sale items that you’d like to donate? If I am accepted for this missions opportunity to Spain or India or wherever, I would like to do a garage sale. Or if anyone else has any fundraiser ideas, I’d love to hear them. I only have a couple of months after acceptance to raise it.
Peace, love and free pancakes [tuesday!],
kd.
Silver and gold.
Make new friends but keep the old,
One is silver and the other gold.A circle’s round, it has no end,
That’s how long I want to be your friend.
That’s right, I posted the Girl Scouts song. I have no idea why but it’s been stuck in my head all day today. It may be because I’ve been looking through lots of old photos, preparing my ‘life map’ for community group tonight. I thought I’d go ahead and post some photos for all to see…
baby photos..yes I am nekked and with one shoe in that photo...
More photos..the bottom photo is the only family pic I have seen prior to divorce.
Moving on, we had our valentines party last night. It was so great to have a few girlfriends to spend the evening with. Christy made an amazing spinach lasagna while I opted for the easy way out… I made punch. That almost exploded everywhere. It was then I remembered an equation from chemistry back in college:
Frozen pink lemonade + Sprite / crushed ice + vigorous stirring = catastrophic and volcanic overflow.
It was not pretty..my friends, however.. that’s a whole other story!
I have model friends.
Longer post later. For now, it’s cg and church! Hurrah!
Oh ! What a scolding look !
Going out on a fancy date is always exciting.
Being asked. Being picked up. Dinner and a show. What else could you ask for? Especially when it’s a friend that you’ve known for ages. How fun!
Kate and I after a 3 hour opera... we are very tired!
A-ha! Thought I’d try to be sneaky and clever. Okay so maybe it wasn’t a date with a boy. But you know… friend dates are always the best anyway. 
So the opera was quite the experience. First, I wasn’t dressed for the occasion..mainly because I wasn’t wearing black and I didn’t have a cape.
No lie.
I was definitely wearing a green dress with a brown sweater and red flats with a fun necklace… and I was one of 3 people under the age of 45. [We kept seeing this kid that was also very out of place. He always looked lost.] Everyone else was wearing something sparkly…. or cape-y. Duly noted.
We sat next to a very nice, and very old, gentleman..who, from the first few notes, began humming along. Oh. My. Goodness. It just wasn’t going to fly with me. He also had this very large bag that he felt compelled to shuffle through every 20 minutes. What did he have in there?! It was bigger than my purse which, if you’ve seen any of my purses, that is quite the accomplishment.
I’ll be honest, I don’t know a whole lot of what was going on, except Queen Elizabeth liked Roberto but Roberto was charged with treason and going to die but Roberto loved Sara anyway, and Sara loved Roberto too but Sara was married to a guy that seemed pretty important [I don't remember his name] and Sara gave Roberto a blue scarf but Elizabeth found it and Roberto walked into the light. You can take from that what you’d like.
I wasn’t paying too much attention to the plot, even thought I feel I got the gist of it. I was critiquing everything [oh, the joy of being a drama snob]. Their set was impressive in the first act but I was expecting more as the show went on. They brought down a blue curtain at one point and you were supposed to believe it was Sara’s bedroom. My mind was flooded with ideas on how they could’ve altered the set per scene. I found out later that the set was recycled from another Shakespearean era show. Recession theatre. The costumes were good but I agreed with the reviews that they could’ve been more. The lighting design was great. But one thing I cannot critique: those people have ridiculous voices and can sing their hearts out.
Other than the opera itself, it was great catching up with Kate. Pray as she is leaving to go overseas for two years..and it’s possible she’ll be eating croissants and wearing a beret…just sayin..
